Obstacles to the flow of a process are as natural as the pebbles and rocks in the river which deviate or obstruct the river’s natural flow. They come in different sizes. The object of process is to restore flow where there is an obstruction.
When we are disturbed by something or someone, we often discard or reject it. Processwork invites us to enquire how it is that this thing that most disturbs us is also ‘us’; to be curious about it as a hunter hunting for the disturbance; to notice what disturbs us as we go back and forth from that which we feel is ‘us’ and the ‘X’ energy of the disturbance, until we feel it within us, until we can inhabit it fully.
Before conflict, we often avoid conflict. Only once we acknowledge that there is something between us, do we polarise into ‘this’ vs ‘that’. Polarity begets conflict also because it is rigid. The sides remain where they are: opposite one another. There is a tension between polarities.
Often, our relationship to conflict is as warriors, ready for battle - or perhaps not so ready, as we may have edges to being a warrior. Something stops us. We might then be perceived to be avoiding conflict or not ‘doing conflict’ well. We may even be perceived as denying that a conflict exists between us.
In conflict, our task is similar to our task when we are merely disturbed: to notice and be curious about the relationship between the opposing sides. The object of our curiosity is to bring fluidity into the system
and to integrate ‘this’ with ‘that’. Coming out of polarity can be most challenging - yet, the task is the same:
– to stand for oneself
– to meet an accusation by picking up the 1% of said accusation made by
the other side and
– to shift fluidly into the other side and stand for it better than that side
might have done.
– to find within the common, shared ground.